Reporting Officer: Tony Thompson
Time of incident: 12:48 PM
Officers Ronnie Blake and Ken O'Sullivan encountered two perpetrators reportedly belonging to the gang known as the Pythons.
Eye witnesses report seeing the officers engaging the gang members in a spontaneous wrestling match. The officers' clothing was reportedly ripped from their "hard" and "sexy" bodies.
Approximately 1 hour later, witnesses claim that the officers in question submitted. The two Pythons then stripped and high fived. The blond then demanded fellatio from Officer O'Sullivan, while the other penetrated Officer Blake. Officer Blake's hat and belt were seized by the perpetrator and worn during his sexual conquest.
Some time later, the two perpetrators left the area, leaving the officers without their clothes or weaponry.
Addendum: An anonymous witness has come forward with two photographs taken during the incident. The department has analyzed the photos and have determined the perpetrators to be Butch and Troy from the Pythons gang.
Further inspection of the photos will be needed to garner more information.
Recommendation from the Captain: Five months of rigorous retraining at Police Chief Stone's private boot camp.
This matter is to be considered TOP SECRET and DEPARTMENT USE ONLY! Both Captain Blackwell and Police Chief Stone would have their necks on the chopping block if this were to leak to the press. Let’s get out there and put an end to the Pythons!